1. It is important to find a woman who is good at house hold chores, cooks well and can take care of the kids. 2. It is important to find a woman whom you can bring out for social functions. 3. It is important that she shares the same life goal and common vision as you. 4. It is important to find a woman who is good in bed and loves to have sex with you. 5. It is important that these 4 women never meet.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Three newly-wed women developed obsessions after giving birth to their first children. They saw a psychiatrist Dr P who decided the best way to help them was to conduct a group therapy session to openly discuss about their obsessions. Dr P said to the first mother, "Your obsession is with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." Dr P then said to the second mother, "You’re totally obsessed with money. You’ve even named your child Penny." At this moment, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time".
An elderly couple was celebrating Christmas at home when a fairy appeared. The fairy told them that since it was Christmas, she would grant them a wish each. The wife said, "I’ve lived for so many years, but I've never seen the beautiful Swiss Alps. I wish we could travel there." The fairy waved her wand and SWOOSH! She had a pair of return tickets to Switzerland in her hand. Surprised at what he saw, the husband became excited and started racking his brain for a wish. He contemplated for a moment, and then said, "I am envious of those guys who have young wives. If possible, I want to be married to a woman who is 20 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and SWOOSH! He became 20 years older.
True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.
The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

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Funny quotes about Love